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Лепестки сердца... > Изюм (записи, возможно интересные автору дневника)


кратко / подробно
Вчера — среда, 15 августа 2018 г.
... Палантир 21:59:05
I think I need a place just to speak out for once, these things I can't say to my friends. If you understand what I'm saying - I don't care. Don't bother me with your attempts to help me also. Just read it, accept it and leave me be or just go the way you were going, scroll away.

It's been ten years since I've created my first diary here. Three years since I deleted it. I never really came back to the site. The reason for it was a breakup with one of my dearest friends, her words still hurt every time I bring back the memories of them.
My whole life went downhill from this point. No new real life friends, except friend's girlfriend. Only two new friends on internet, actually. two friends in three years. I constantly get myself fired from any workplace I attend to because I'm practically disfunctional as a member of society. I can't earn enough money to sustain myself.
I don't know. I don't understand. I feel like a shadow of my past self, no sence of humore, no intellect, nothing to redeem my ugliness.
I can only draw. I even managed to turn it into my profession but no one will lose anything if I'll just end up missing.
Why did it scarred me so much?
I don't understand.
Well I kinda do. I loved her. hearing about how "men can't feel love" crushed me.
she knew well that I loved her and I
I don't know
Why I still didn't got over it?
I don't accept it, I don't outgrow it, I'm just trying to forget it, but every time I find her page on the internet I feel like I'm about to throw up.
Why am I such a failure? why am i so weak
end me
22:04:58 Палантир
I don't feel like I've said everything I should, though
22:09:56 Палантир
maybe about how I'm a step away from being a convicted criminal? Only thing that makes it easier is that it's not a violent crime. I can't even look into my relative's eyes anymore. I just live in shame


Лепестки сердца... > Изюм (записи, возможно интересные автору дневника)

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